(For anyone with children (of any age) or anyone important in a child's life.)
And the woman from the back of the book store said, Speak to us of Children! And she said: "You think they're yours, ....but they're not...really. Sure, your job is to protect, feed, house and give them tools to flourish in this world But they're not yours to mold into replicas of you or who you long to be or want them to be. You can teach them to look inward for answers by listening well and giving them reasonable choices, or You can teach them only to do what they're told so they'll learn to follow authority or someday a domineering spouse that you'll wish you didn't have to spend family dinners with... You can show them gratitude by wisely providing what they need or you can give them everything their hearts desire so you can feel like an awesome parent who may someday feel irritated by and ache for entitled grandchildren. You can honor their passion and hard work so they can do great things for themselves and others, or you can pressure them to achieve so you can believe you've achieved as a parent who they may not have time for as they endlessly search the world for approval. You can teach them compassion by responding to their pain or you can teach them to toughen up, ignore their hurt so they'll learn their pain, their children's pain and even your pain doesn't really matter. You can teach them to approach the world with a kind and open heart or you can unburden yourself of your fears so they too can learn to fear and hate and you can spend precious moments together discussing how much better the world would be if it weren't for "those" people... Kahlil Gibran, in the "The Prophet" said, - 'You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.' but I guess if you want, you could stick them in the bow and arrow case until one day you wish you hadn't and you take them out to find that you've both become brittle and inflexible and no one may fly anywhere... but then you could always put your pride into the case and humbly recognize it's never too late to listen well, ask about their passion, show them compassion, and spend your precious moments talking about how it's never too late to fly. Courtney A Brown
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(For anyone who, like myself, has struggled with believing they know what's right for others.)
There was a time, I thought that to help someone at a crossroads in their life, I had to give them a detailed map, program their GPS, or tell them exactly where to go - which way to turn. Then there was a time, I'd tried to hold back, bite my lip, and tell myself it was none of my business, BUT ...if they asked me, I'd jump right in with my sage advice. There was a time, I didn't say a thing, but was annoyed when they made a sh*ty decision. Of course, I'd never admit I was annoyed...it was just that they were so clearly making a mistake...I didn't want to see them hurt...I didn't want to hear about it when...." Then there was the time, I'd thought, "Well, they're just going to have to live and learn,...that's right,... live and learn..." There was also the time, I didn't say a thing..."Not my problem," I'd think...before patting myself on the back for my excellent boundaries. All of those times were more about me than the person I thought I was helping - my need to control their outcome and my knack for judging. Now, when I hear about a decision someone is making or has made, that I don't necessarily agree with, the better part of me chimes in... "Who the hell are you to agree or disagree, or know what's right for them or anyone else...When did you walk down that exact same path, have their exact life experiences, wear those exact shoes...what makes you think your inner compass has anything to do with their journey...and what makes you think a seemingly bad idea in the short term, isn't an ideal decision for the long term." Someone once said to me, "The best way to help someone at their crossroads, is to listen well so they can hear themself." Actually I said that. I'd gotten tired of quoting others, and decided it was time I started quoting myself. It was about the time that I stopped questioning everyone else's inner voice, and started listening to my own. Courtney A Brown To send this note to a friend:
(For anyone working at not taking on other's irritability/negativity.)
You're going about your day in a lovely mood, when all of sudden you happen upon a grouchy other. Their anger lands on you and sticks. You could say they've handed you their negativity on a platter and you accepted. You move on feeling a bit ticked off, and before you know it, you're handing the platter to the next unsuspecting villager. Unburdened, you feel a bit better. Depending on how often the platter is passed and accepted, irritation spreads exponentially throughout the village. Or ... You're going about your day in a lovely mood, when another attempts to hand you their platter of irritability. Instead of accepting, you smile, and say, "No, thank you, I couldn't possibly...you keep that all for yourself." You walk on quickly so as not to get hit by anything flying off the platter. Or,... You notice the platter, look past it as if it's not there and you speak to the better part of the grumpy villager - the part they've forgotten is there. You may be like the story character, Pollyanna, who on the surface seems naive, but instead is fearlessly wise. Undeterred by the platters, you approach with an open heart and unsettle the wounded perspective. Some will set down their platter. Some may even accept your cup of tea spilling over with grace. If they do, you can assume they'll offer it to the next villager they come upon. Courtney A Brown To send this note to a friend: |
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